One Man's Wisdom

Marriage is a Spiritual Practice

It's been a while since I've written anything on my blog... something I've been meaning to remedy for some time now. With my 17th Anniversary upon me, it seems appropriate to write at length about marriage today. What better way to get back into the swing of things, don't you agree?

People get married for all kinds of reasons. I'm sure, on the surface, many people would say they get married because they're in love. They "love" an other and want to stay with that other forever. The other agrees, and they choose to formalize their agreement to stay together legally through marriage. There's a definite weight to the formality of legally binding marriage that you cannot easily ignore. It's easy to say "I love you baby"... but it's another thing entirely to promise, under threat of legal recourse, to stay with someone until death. Marriage, as a contract, is an interesting beast with fascinating undercurrents of mistrust, insecurity and control.

Because of this, there is a growing segment of the population that decides to pass on marriage altogether. I can see their thinking. I mean, if two people really "love" each other then why do they need a legally binding contract to prove it or to back it up? There's a nugget of truth in that statement. It makes some sense, doesn't it?

From a purely financial benefit, there's at least two good reasons to be married over just living together: tax breaks and health insurance. To those of you that have decided to live together but are fearful of marriage, don't forget about the financial benefits of "tying the knot."

Beyond the financial benefits, there's a much deeper value to marriage that I've discovered over the yea ..

The Illusion of Imperfection

Do you want to know about an idea that causes much pain and upset in the world? Perfection is just such an idea. The idea of perfection causes untold misery as countless people all over the world chase after it. Have you ever suffered because of the idea of perfection? If so then it may serve you to dive deeply into the idea of perfection and see for yourself what it really is. Through understanding of perfection you may free yourself from its illusory power over you and your happiness.

What is perfection? It’s an idea of something without any flaw. If someone has perfect skin then it must be without blemish or discoloration. If a dance routine is to be perfect then it must be performed without any mistake. If a computer program is perfect then it will never crash. It seems to me that perfection and flawlessness is the same thing. If something is perfect then it has no flaws. If there is a flaw in something then it cannot be perfect. Perfection is the lack of imperfection. That seems simple enough.

Since perfection exists only in the absence of imperfection…this begs the question: What is imperfection? Have you ever answered that question before? Take some time right now and come up with an answer for yourself. I’ll wait. Do you have an answer? Good! Keep on reading…

So, what is imperfection? Perhaps you came to the conclusion that imperfection is the lack of perfection! While that may be an accurate statement, it doesn’t get us to a clear understanding of what imperfection is. That will just lead us in circles. My take on imperfection is this: Imperfection is when something in reality doesn’t match y ..

The Power of Intention

Here’s an interesting observation: The only power that you have is your power of intention. Yes, you read that right…intention is your only true power. I can imagine your protests. You might ask: “What about my power to read and write?” or “What about my power to speak or to drive or to walk?” or “For goodness’ sake, what about my power to think?” Even in the face of such objections, I’ll persist that the power of intention is your only true power. Let me explain how that works and how I see that observation as being useful.

How is it that intention is your only true power? That’s simple. Without intention, no other power you would claim is possible. Let’s consider that for a moment. What can you do that you don’t first have the intention to do? Is it possible to do a thing without intention? Can you think without intending to think? Can you walk without the intention to walk? How about speaking or reading or writing? Are any of these possible without intention? Of course not…clearly intention is the source of all these powers. Take away intention and watch how you become a stagnant lump of barely living flesh.

How is this observation useful? I find these kinds of first-principle observations useful because they help me to focus on what really matters in my life. I use this observation to clear away all of the mental rubbish that drains me of vital energy and keeps me from my goals. What kind of mental rubbish? Thoughts like “How will I ever get that done on time” or “That’s too difficult for me” or “Will I be successful”. In the light of this observation, the true value of each of these thoughts is made clear to me. Such negative thinking is clearly useless and self-defeating. ..

The Plasticity of Belief

Have you ever heard the saying: “Sometimes the best place to hide something is in plain sight?” When I think of the plasticity of belief, that saying immediately comes to mind. Not because it’s been hidden by someone, but because it’s out in plain sight yet so few people see it! So few people notice the plasticity of belief, it might as well be hidden at the bottom of the deepest ocean. One of the quickest ways to take conscious control over your emotions and your life experience is to use the plasticity of belief. Harness the plasticity of belief and you will be amazed at what you can accomplish!

What exactly do I mean when I say plasticity of belief? I mean that your beliefs can be changed. Beliefs are changeable… malleable… flexible… alterable… rewritable… controllable... selectable. I mean that belief is like mental clay…it can be molded into whatever shape you choose. Your beliefs are your clay and you are the artist! Are you happy with your sculpture today?

Do you see the plasticity of your beliefs yet? Every belief that you have in The Image has been created by you and you alone. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that some beliefs are not your creation… but that simply isn’t true. You may have created them unconsciously or lazily or out of habit, but each and every belief in your mind is your creation. Even the belief that your beliefs are not changeable is your creation! What I am asking of you is that you take responsibility for your beliefs. Take responsibility for your creations. Be the conscious creator of your beliefs…not the victim of your unconsciously chosen beliefs.

Your mind is filled with all kinds of b ..

The Illusion of Freedom

What is freedom? Have you ever answered that question for yourself and with great interest? I have observed widespread false beliefs about freedom that create conflict and suffering for many. This conflict and the resulting suffering take many forms – including oppression, war, compulsory schooling, coercive government, argument, patriotism and divorce. The common thread that binds this conflict is a lack of clarity on what freedom is. Let’s take some time right now and drill into our ideas on freedom and cultivate a clear understanding of what it actually is.

What is freedom? Is it a lack of restriction? Is it the ability to do whatever you want whenever you want? I believe that most people would agree with that. However, there are subtleties there that you may not see. To have the ability to do whatever you want you must be free of all restrictions. That is not possible. At the minimum, you are bound by the restrictions placed on you by reality. For example, you are not free to live for long in the vacuum of space or to put the entire moon in your pocket. You cannot be in two places at once nor can you shrink yourself to the size of a pinhead. If you have no hands, you’re not free to finger paint. Isn’t it obvious that there are rules governing reality that you must work within? In essence, you are always operating under some kind of restriction – you are working within the rules of a system. Clearly freedom doesn’t come from a lack of restriction because there is no such thing as complete lack of restriction.

Does this mean that freedom comes from a minimization of restriction? Is it appropriate to say that freedom arises when there is less restriction placed on you? It seems t ..

The Illusion of Words

Have you ever considered what words are and how they work? It seems to me that many people have some pretty interesting ideas about words. Some of these ideas are not only interesting, but incredibly dangerous. To communicate properly with words we must fully understand what they are and how they work. If we cannot communicate properly with words then we can be easily misled by the words of others. That is the danger. Let’s take some time right now and dig to the very foundation of our image of words and see if we can’t immunize ourselves from the dangers of words.

What are words? Words are shapes and sounds in reality that we have assigned meaning to in The Image. Words are concepts, ideas and memories. Words are social conventions where we have agreed that certain shapes and sounds mean particular things. Isn’t this obvious? Most of the words we use are not our own creation, but the creation of others. We have been trained to use the words that our society agreed to. Our society’s words have been programmed into us from a very young age. This simple fact is the first aspect of the danger of words. We are so used to using words and so thoroughly accepting of them that we don’t take time to question what they are.

Words are not magical. There are no special powers in the written word or the spoken word. There is no such thing as a “holy word” or an “offensive word”. Similarly, there is no such thing as an “important word” or a “touching word” or the “word of god”. In reality, words are simply shapes and sounds that we have assigned meaning to in The Image. This is the second aspect of the danger of words. When we believe that words are magical or special th ..

The Movement of Love

The fundamental error that many people make in their search for love is to misunderstand what love is and how it arises in the human heart. Love is not a feeling, it is a movement… it is a process. Because of this movement feelings happen. The feelings that come from the process of love are not all that important—and very difficult to put into words. So, let’s instead focus our awareness on the movement of love. Let’s go deeply into this and see if we can’t come to a new discovery about love together.

What is the movement of love? The movement of love begins when you are in direct contact with reality. Love starts when you watch reality with your awareness. Once you are deeply aware of reality then something strange happens… you begin to understand what you are aware of. When you experience the understanding that comes from awareness then you will love. Watch and you will see. See and you will understand. Understand and you will love. This is the movement of love.

What do I mean by: “Watch and you will see”? I mean that you should be aware of reality. Be aware of what is happening within you and around you. Be aware of what you’re thinking and feeling. See what you are seeing. Hear what you are hearing. Taste what you are tasting. Feel what you are feeling. Get into direct contact with your senses. Most of the time, you’re not in direct contact with reality. You’re focused on the content of your mind… your thoughts, your memories, your hopes and fears. You’re focused on The Image, not reality. To start the movement of love you must get out of The Image and get back to your senses. Withdraw your attention from your thoughts and put ..

Attachment and Expectations

So many people spend their time seeking happiness from the world outside of them. They look for happiness to come when the world is right… when things are going their way. Of course, because they believe that their happiness only arises when the world is right, they strive to make sure the world meets their expectations. This is how so many people live their lives. They work so hard to make the world meet their demands in order to be happy. Do these seekers of happiness ever find what they are looking for?

Are you one of these people that seek their happiness in this way? If so, have you ever considered how truly fruitless all of your efforts have been? Haven’t you noticed how your seeking of happiness has become a never-ending quest to achieve what you do not have? How many times have you found lasting happiness through making the world meet your expectations? Isn’t it clear to you that each time you find this “happiness” it only lasts as long as the world continues to meet your expectations? This fact alone should give you a clue as to the true nature of happiness.

What is the true nature of happiness? Put simply, happiness is a choice. You choose if you are happy or not in any given situation. What you believe about a thing will determine if you are happy about it or not. Isn’t this obvious? For example, if you hear of a random person being diagnosed with cancer, you might feel sorry for them. Yet, if you learned from your doctor that you had cancer, your reaction would be much different. The important difference between these two situations is only what you believe about them.

The subtlety here is why you make the choice to avoid happines ..

Strike While the Iron Is Hot

If your house was on fire, what would you do? Surely, as soon as you became aware of the fire, you would call the fire department or grab your fire extinguisher and put out the flames. Wouldn’t your number one goal would be to stop the fire and limit the damage to your property? The desire for immediate action in such a situation seems to be universal. Why is it that this sense of urgency is missing when it comes to putting out the fire of your emotional pain?

When you’re suffering from emotional pain, what do you do? In most cases, don’t you act out to change something in the world to make your pain stop? When you’re confronted with someone that irritates you, don’t you seek to avoid them or change them in some way? When you encounter a situation that frightens you, don’t you try to get away from the source of your fear? When you see something that saddens you, aren’t you sometimes moved to improve the situation and lessen your sadness? The fire of your emotional pain causes you discomfort and so you try to change the world to make the pain stop. This is obvious, isn’t it?

Seeking to change the world in order to put out your emotional fire is like pouring water on your neighbor’s house when your house is burning. It really is that silly… and equally pointless. The mistake that most people make is to confuse the world as the cause of their emotional fire. In truth, your emotional fire is always burning. The world simply provides fuel for the flame that already exists. When you act to change the world, you’re just trying to move the fuel off of the existing flame. If you wish to be free of your emotional fire then you must attack the source of the flame.

What is the source of your emo ..

The Desire for Change

Why is it that throughout the world, people find themselves in life situations that they dislike but they seem powerless to do anything about? People all over the world are stuck in relationships that make them miserable. These relationships are with other people and also things. Some people are miserable with their marriage. Some people are miserable with their job. Some people are miserable with their religion. Some people are miserable with themselves. Why is this happening? Why can’t people free themselves from their misery in relationship?

It seems to me that the mistake these sufferers of misery make is to confuse the cause of their misery. They are miserable and believe that their misery is caused by things outside of themselves. What they don’t see clearly is how misery is caused by them and their thinking. External reality has nothing to do with misery. This is the fundamental error.

What happens when you act out of confusion? In such a state, aren’t your actions also confused? When people act to try and solve their misery, they seldom achieve their goal because their actions are confused. When your action comes from the idea that the world outside of you is wrong then you will strive to make the world meet your ideas of “rightness”. Such world-changing actions rarely, if ever, solve the fundamental cause of misery. Such actions may offer temporary relief from the symptoms of misery, but misery will visit again in time.

If you’re miserable in your marriage then you may strive to make your partner stop doing whatever it is they are doing that makes you miserable. Perhaps it’s their nagging that makes you miserable. Or, p ..