So many people spend their time seeking happiness from the world outside of them. They look for happiness to come when the world is right… when things are going their way. Of course, because they believe that their happiness only arises when the world is right, they strive to make sure the world meets their expectations. This is how so many people live their lives. They work so hard to make the world meet their demands in order to be happy. Do these seekers of happiness ever find what they are looking for?
Are you one of these people that seek their happiness in this way? If so, have you ever considered how truly fruitless all of your efforts have been? Haven’t you noticed how your seeking of happiness has become a never-ending quest to achieve what you do not have? How many times have you found lasting happiness through making the world meet your expectations? Isn’t it clear to you that each time you find this “happiness” it only lasts as long as the world continues to meet your expectations? This fact alone should give you a clue as to the true nature of happiness.
What is the true nature of happiness? Put simply, happiness is a choice. You choose if you are happy or not in any given situation. What you believe about a thing will determine if you are happy about it or not. Isn’t this obvious? For example, if you hear of a random person being diagnosed with cancer, you might feel sorry for them. Yet, if you learned from your doctor that you had cancer, your reaction would be much different. The important difference between these two situations is only what you believe about them.
The subtlety here is why you make the choice to avoid happiness. Yes, you make that choice often. Every time you’re unhappy it’s because you’ve chosen to be. You keep narrowly avoiding happiness through your choice of belief. What do you believe in so much to keep choosing it over happiness? Expectations and attachment… An expectation is a belief that the world should be a certain way. Attachment is a strong belief that, in order to be happy, your expectations must be met. Your belief in expectations and your attachment to them is so strong that you choose them over your happiness in almost every case.
You literally have hundreds of expectations on those that touch your life. You expect people close to you to act a certain way… or to believe certain things… or to keep their word… or to be kind to you. Are you aware of these expectations? Can you see them clearly in your mind, or do you just see them as “how things need to be”? How did you come to have these expectations? Isn’t it that you were taught most of them by your parents or other authority figures in your life? You may have come to some of these expectations on your own after suffering some great loss or tragedy. In any case, aren’t these expectations learned? And, once something is learned, doesn’t it only have reality in your mind? Belief in an expectation is what gives it power. If you don’t like an expectation because it causes pains then simply believe something else and the pains will stop.
Your attachment to your expectations is another part of the puzzle. It’s not bad enough that we believe in expectations, oh no. We also believe that our expectations must be met or else we cannot be happy. This simple belief drives us to change the world to meet our expectations… it is the core belief that keeps us from our happiness. If you want to be happy then you must come to understand this belief and choose to disbelieve it!
Belief is a choice that we make based on our experience. Our belief in attachment is a choice based on what we’re taught by others. From a very young age, we’re programmed to be happy only when we’re meeting expectations. “Don’t touch that.” “Do your homework.” “Tell the truth.” “Lose some weight.” “Clean your plate.” We’re literally drowned in the expectations laid down by our parents and society. As we experience the unhappy aftermath of not meeting expectations we learn that meeting expectations is the only way to be happy. Is it any wonder we suffer from this neurotic desire to make the world meet our idea about it?
The good news is that this belief in attachment and expectation is totally based on your choice. You can choose not to believe that the world has to be a certain way. Indeed, you can choose to believe that your happiness does not depend on how the world is. How do you do this? First, you must see clearly how your attachment to expectations causes you to be unhappy. Be aware of yourself as you are happy and unhappy and you will see the truth of it.
If you clearly see how your expectations kill your happiness then you will revolt against the belief that powers them. Yes, just by seeing expectations for the killers of happiness they are you may break free of them. But, you must see this for yourself – not as some idea in The Image—but as the reality it is. You must see this firsthand. Then, just as you would brush a newly discovered poisonous scorpion off your shoulder, you will brush away the belief that expectations must be met in order to be happy.
Do you want to be happy? If so, then get to the task of seeing your expectations. Get busy observing your attachment to your expectations. Watch how your expectations ruin your happiness. Understand that attachment is only a belief. Love the new freedom to be happy that you have discovered.