Why is it that throughout the world, people find themselves in life situations that they dislike but they seem powerless to do anything about? People all over the world are stuck in relationships that make them miserable. These relationships are with other people and also things. Some people are miserable with their marriage. Some people are miserable with their job. Some people are miserable with their religion. Some people are miserable with themselves. Why is this happening? Why can’t people free themselves from their misery in relationship?
It seems to me that the mistake these sufferers of misery make is to confuse the cause of their misery. They are miserable and believe that their misery is caused by things outside of themselves. What they don’t see clearly is how misery is caused by them and their thinking. External reality has nothing to do with misery. This is the fundamental error.
What happens when you act out of confusion? In such a state, aren’t your actions also confused? When people act to try and solve their misery, they seldom achieve their goal because their actions are confused. When your action comes from the idea that the world outside of you is wrong then you will strive to make the world meet your ideas of “rightness”. Such world-changing actions rarely, if ever, solve the fundamental cause of misery. Such actions may offer temporary relief from the symptoms of misery, but misery will visit again in time.
If you’re miserable in your marriage then you may strive to make your partner stop doing whatever it is they are doing that makes you miserable. Perhaps it’s their nagging that makes you miserable. Or, perhaps it’s their lack of attention that makes you miserable. It may even be that you just don’t love them anymore and so you feel miserable just by staying with them. Leaving the marriage is one way to solve the misery but the solution is temporary. Perhaps you get married again and find the same faults and problems in your next partner. Perhaps you stay unmarried and miss the company of a life partner. Isn’t it clear that the misery will visit you again no matter how you try to fix your marriage? Misery in marriage has nothing to do with your partner… it has everything to do with your thinking about your partner.
If you are miserable in your job then you may strive for better working conditions or fairer treatment or better pay. You may even quit and look for a better job that doesn’t have all of the problems that your old job did. When you do this, don’t you notice similar misery with your next job? Given enough time, after the excitement of a new job wears off, the same miserable feelings will creep up on you again. You’ll start seeing faults in your workplace that give you reason to complain and feel bad again. So the cycle repeats itself. Isn’t it clear that the misery will visit you again no matter how you try to fix your job? Misery in the workplace has nothing to do with your job… it has everything to do with your thinking about your job.
If you are miserable in your life then you may strive to better yourself in some way. Perhaps you’ll give up smoking or start a new diet. You may exercise more or read a self-help book. You might talk to a therapist or change careers. You may even buy a new game or watch a movie or get high to avoid the misery. Regardless of what you do to change the miserable conditions of your life, don’t you see that they are temporary fixes? Don’t you see that misery will visit you again no matter how you try to fix your life? Misery in life has nothing to do with life… it has everything to do with your thinking about your life.
People have a desire for change but, because that desire is confused, it only leads to more misery. Changing the outside world to meet your desire is not the way out of misery. No matter what you do to the world outside of you, the misery will return. You know the truth of this… just look at your own life of misery. How many times have you strived to change the outside world because of your misery? How many times have you succeeded in freeing yourself from misery this way? Sure, for a short time your action relieves the symptoms. But, like the effects of a drug, the relief is only temporary. And, like the effects of a drug, you become more resistant to the symptom relief the more you use it. The longer you rely on changing the external world to stop your misery the more misery you will find. It’s a never-ending cycle of pain and misery that will never bring you happiness.
Do you want to free yourself from misery? If so, then see clearly how misery is caused by your thinking. See clearly how your belief in The Image over reality gives birth to your misery. Reality is here now, in your senses, and you’re focusing on The Image of your marriage or your job or your life. Do you want to be free of misery once and for all? If you truly desire this then you must turn your desire inward and become aware. Your desire for change is confused and misdirected toward those things that, even if you change them, won’t bring you a moment of freedom from misery.
Misery is caused by your belief in The Image over reality. Observe this in your own life and you will see. Watch and you will see. See and you will understand. Understand and you will finally be free of misery and filled to the brim with love of life – whatever your situation is.